Jan 18
2008
pataphors
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Maybe Americans are stupid after all. Maybe all their credentials, accolades, and self-congratulatory speeches are a sports car for a small penis. When the car crashes, and after the fire-fighters and police tend to the victims, the press heralded the crash as a victory for America because not all the occupants died. Safety and security are important and the crash rating was though the roof, literally. This crash is a wake-up call to all the foreign automobile companies who wish to take work from the American people. Work that provides food, money, entertainment, clothing, meaning, and sports cars which are all substitutes for something real. Think of everything you purchase as Tang, maybe the world will make sense then.
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American politics is an advanced case of herpes; those of last night’s hooker who stole your innocence and your wallet. Not only is she having her herpes taken care of on your dime but she is going to finally have that sex-change operation using your credit card. Everything changes after that the one-time exchange between you and that hooker. You will have the herpes and she won’t have a penis.
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Reality is orange juice. We wanted orange juice but we replaced it with dehydrated space juice and now all we want to do is find some powder which tastes like Tang. But the pitcher is dirty and we are out of dish-soap, so we reach for the SunnyD which really is not that great but it will do in a pinch. But that is empty too. So, off to the store I go to get some dish soap and that was when I bumped into my Atheist Book Club (ABC) but I hate going to those meetings because they alway bring kool-aid and they insist that everyone drink up.
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Orange juice is the juice from oranges. Except some orange juice is from concentrate. Other orange juice is better described as an orange beverage because it is not really the juice from oranges. But whatever we call it, it tastes like oranges. But what about Orange Kool-Aid? It does not really taste like oranges. And Tang, what is Tang anyway? Tang is a failed idea which was given life by astronauts who wanted to cover up the bad taste of the polluted water on their spacecraft. They did not drink it for the nutritional value nor for its orange flavour, but for its ability to make something taste less awful. But drinking Tang is not the same as drinking orange juice. It is drinking Tang. But you can call it orange juice if you want to.
There was this guy who insists everyone call him Bob. His real name is Carl Greenblatt but he wanted to be known as Bob. Bob works in a bank, as the security guard. His name tag says “Karl” but he tells everyone to call him Bob because they misspelled his name. And everyone does. Except for Patricia. She calls him Ted because she likes it better. Patricia and Carl dated several years ago but Carl broke it off. Now whenever Patricia sees Carl and calls him Ted, Carl cringes because the name reminds him of his biggest mistake ever. And now he will never get his high-school ring back again. Patricia pawned it for a pair of leg-warmers.
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3 Responses to “pataphors”
haha, interesting use of extended-pataphors (if there is such a thing as an extension _of_ an extension; though I suppose these would have to qualify).
well, I liked it, I just wanted to point out the obvious (which I do not mean to imply you were trying to imply), that:
a) Obviously, it is not _only_ American politics that is diseased (not that you were saying that, I know). One need only to look to the hideous governments of Africa or even South America to see corruption down to its core, which ultimately leaves children shoe-less and people bereft of opportunity who deserve better. And,
b) Although extreme words are effective at getting people talking, it’s nonetheless anti-kind (a word that does not exist, but the world would be no worse for) to imply “ALL [insert nationality] are [insert generalized insult]“.
Can we just agree that every nation has its share of its ignorant and afraid, and also its share of vulnerable and compassionate people, and leave it at that?
Actually, all of these were lifted from posts on my page. So everything here is out of context.
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